I Got a Job!

It’s been 19 days since my last post, and as you can see, I finally have something nice to say. This job is one I’ve been striving for for a while now. It’s a big one, and while I’m not entirely prepared for it, I think I’ll be okay at it.  

What is this new job, you ask? 

Well, I’m going to be a mom. 

The salary is quite crappy—non-existent, actually—but I hear the benefits are amazing. 

Currently, I’m 15 weeks along and we’re due April 5, 2014. I’ve actually known about the little bean since August, and so hopefully all my faithful readers now understand my random bouts of bitchiness and anxiety-induced whining about still not having a “real” job. Thank you for bearing with me. 

One thing’s for certain, though: this wasn’t unplanned. It’s something Jay and I had discussed, and part of what I hoped would make 2013 my year. When I lost my job in February, we talked about putting our plans on hold, but we ultimately decided there’s no time like the present. Like the chorus in the prolific Jimmy Eat World song “23” goes, you’ll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. And if I’ve learned anything in the last year, it’s that trying to control Life and make it perfect is no way to live. Mostly because Life won’t let you live that way. 

That much is evident based on how Life bestowed me with this great gift but at the same time didn’t give my stress levels much of a break. (Welcome to the rest of my life, right?) I will elaborate on all of it in a later post answering some FAQs I’m quite certain a lot of you may have, but for now I’m intent on keeping things positive. (And if you’ve got a Q you'd like answered, feel free to throw it at me in the comments.) 

Now the pragmatic among you may be wondering what, in fact, I plan to do to earn money now that we'll have another mouth to feed. Until very recently, I had these horrifying visions of myself being a pregnant woman on unemployment, but Life finally decided it was time to cut me some slack and I’ve been offered a full-time job at the place I’ve been freelancing at for the last eight months, which I’ve gleefully accepted. Hooray! So I guess, technically, I now have two jobs. (When it rains it pours, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and whatever other apropos clichés I can throw at this bit of news applies here.) 

Thank you all again for your patience with my whining as of late, and for your emails and notes of support. I promise that for the time being, the tone of this blog will change for the better—mostly because Life finally seems to be headed in the same direction. 

She Likes Me, She Really Likes Me!

Recently, I had a pretty amazing thing happen to me, but there's a little bit of back story before I can get to the amazing part.

Before I got laid off in February, I was interviewing candidates for an associate editor job. I had an appointment set with one girl, let's call her Amy, when I got the bad news. I emailed her to let her know that unfortunately we no longer needed to meet, and I was sorry about that because I really was looking forward to meeting her. And I meant it. She had an amazing resume, and had written some really fantastic, well-reported and well-researched articles for a very high-profile publication. She was very understanding about it all, and said she would keep her ears open for me.

Just recently, I got an email from Amy. "I was just thinking about you and wanted to write to check in," she wrote, and suggested that we get together for coffee sometime.

Wow, how unbelievably nice, I thought. Someone I barely know is checking in on how I'm doing, and wants to meet up, with no ulterior motive. (As I'm currently just a temp, I can't do much for her job-wise, and she was well aware of that.)

So we met for coffee the other day, and it was great. We talked about my old job, the industry, and a little bit about life. It turns out I did have a few job leads for her, which I was more than happy to share because Amy truly is such a fantastic reporter.

Toward the end of our conversation, we talked about how nice it was to finally meet in person, and she said she wanted to reach out again because she got such a good vibe from me from our email exchange. I was flattered of course, and floored at her willingness to explore her gut instinct. How many times have I met people in passing who I felt like I could really click with but never followed up with for various reasons -- no time, I have enough friends, or just plain forgetfulness? It got me thinking about how many amazing people I could be missing out on because of what is essentially laziness (maybe peppered with a little bit of fear of rejection).

We left coffee saying we'd like to get together again soon, and I left thinking to myself how I was definitely going to do that again -- not just meet with Amy, but truly make an effort with the next person I feel like I connect with.

Because who knows? Maybe one day with this small gesture I could make someone's day just like Amy made mine.

I wonder: Have you ever gone out on a limb to meet a new potential friend?

Life, You Win.

Don't worry I'm not suicidal. That statement sounds more dramatic than it is. But in truth, it's quite freeing to have recently realized that I have no control over Life*, so I should stop trying to control it.

Those who know me, even marginally, know that I am a control freak. I like order, and I like to have plans. I always need to know what my next step is going to be, whether it's in Life or simply for the next morning's breakfast.

But lately, I don't care to see past the next 24 hours. In fact, I'm annoyed that my gym now requires you sign up for a class at least 36 hours in advance in order to guarantee a spot. I don't want to think ahead that far, because if I've learned anything this past year, it's that Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

No one would argue that Life has dealt me a few blows when it comes to my Life plans. So now I'm waving the white flag. Admitting defeat. Giving up. But you know what? I'm okay with it. It actually feels good to not think about the future. I feel like this is something Life has been telling me to do for some time now, and I've been too headstrong to pay attention.

Well, Life, you have my full attention now. Right here, now, in this very moment. I no longer feel the need to have the next five years -- let alone five days -- of my Life planned out. But who knows? Tomorrow I could feel differently.

Still, I'm not going to think about that now.

*I feel compelled to explain why I'm treating Life as a proper noun here. It's because I often think of Life as it's own person, someone who is occasionally there to comfort me, and sometimes out to get me. Basically, I see Life as a frenemy.

Photo: Hannah's Hope

I wonder: Do you plan for the future?

Nagging Questions

I'm not a big believer in signs, but two big questions have been coming up a lot for me lately and so therefore are hard to ignore. 

Part of the genesis of these questions has to do with a series of articles I'm working on, and part of it has to do with the advice I've been seeking on my own as part of my current career-centric soul-searching. (And for the record, the people asking these questions are not new-age hippies.)

The first: Am I successful? 

Having recently been laid off and see my income drop dramatically, the obvious answer would be no. But it turns out, the best measure of my success is one that I never considered.
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The second question, which I now realize is inarguably tied to the first, is just as easily answerable:

How happy are you? 

Truth be told, I'm pretty darn happy right now.

How does this net out, you might be wonder?

No doubt about it, certain things are a bit unstable, and I don't have everything I want at the moment, but overall I'm feeling fulfilled in the work that I'm doing, which is something I haven't felt in a long time. I'm really enjoying just simply writing and editing again, and I like the flexibility that freelance is affording me.

And when I consider the network I've built through my career, and how invaluable they've all been to me this past month, I feel incredibly lucky. This network helps me stay afloat -- and I'm talking about my confidence as well as my finances here.
 
Freelancing isn't a path I've purposefully chosen to follow, but I certainly can't complain that I am on it at the moment. I'm realizing a lot about what I value both personally and professionally, and more important, I have a better understanding of what I want to make of my life, both personally and professionally. And the interesting thing is, these conclusions are ones I never would have expected to come to.

So maybe it's time to condense these two questions: Am I successful at being happy?

The answer is, absolutely.

Photo: Deposit Photos

I wonder: Are you successful at being happy?

My Happy Place Is for the Birds

I've come to realize I have a bit of an obsession with birds. I'm not sure what this means, though I'm sure some therapist could tell me.

I know different birds symbolize different things, but I don't have a particular fondness for any one bird. Instead, I simply enjoy the sound of their voice. Their tweets are comforting to me, so much so that I occasionally crave the sound. In fact, birds are part of the reason I enjoy early mornings so much -- before the rest of the world is awake, it can feel like it's just me and them, and they could care less about me eavesdropping on their conversation.

Still, I don't think I could ever keep a bird as a pet. We had a few finches when I was a kid and -- besides the fact that they never lived long -- I always found it sad that they had to be caged up, unable to use their wings, like a human confined to a wheelchair. It seemed to me no way to live life, no matter how tiny your brain might be.

And so when I'm feeling stressed, the birds have become my form of meditation where I run to a park near my apartment, sans headphones. The fact that to start, I have to run an overpass of a major highway that parallels a loud, above-ground subway line only makes the moment I hit the park that much sweeter -- finally, quiet, and the sounds of the birds chirping, my breath, and my feet hitting the pavement always quiets my mind. When I can't run, I switch on the music of this composer I discovered, who often incorporates the sounds of birds in his music. It's totally the kind of music you'd hear at a spa (truth be told, that's where I first heard it) and makes me feel like a bit of a new age hippie who should be in New Paltz instead of New York City, but whatever, it does the trick in a pinch.

Lately, I've trying to find meaning in this obsession, which is something I do a lot -- try to find the meaning in things good or bad. So I have been thinking about this bird-mania for a while now, which seems to have intensified as of late, and it just dawned on me that yes, I enjoy it -- can't that be the meaning? 

Photo: Watch the Birds

I wonder: What inexplicable sound soothes you?

It Ain't All Bad

I woke up this morning and had this thought about how the tagline of my blog is "Because life should be about beauty and comfort," and so far every post I've written is full of complaints or bad news. So in an effort to not feel like I'm baiting-and-switching my readers (all 164 of you so far!) today's post is going to be all about the good stuff that's happened recently.

A week or so ago, I read an article in my favorite newspaper, the banner of fine journalism that is the free Metro, about how you can train your brain to think positively by writing in a gratitude journal at the end of each day. A little corny? Sure, but I decided to try it, and I'll admit I'm enjoying the ritual each night.

Now to me, keeping a journal means rambling on about your day for at least a few pages, but this article simply recommended identifying at least two things from your day that you are thankful happened, plus the day's best moment in a sentence or two. (I further streamlined by resorting to fragments.) I've been keeping the journal for about a week now, and this morning decided to share a sampling of some of my moments so far (names have been abbreviated to protect the innocent):

Feb. 6 
Grateful for:
A's career advice
The nice guy from Time Warner Cable who slashed our bill

Best moment: 
Dinner with my best friend

Feb. 8 
Grateful for:
Y's generosity in the job hunt and in life
Dumb luck with subway train timing

Best moment: 
Passion Pit's "Sleepyhead" encore

Feb. 12
Grateful for: 
C's good news
My thoughtful MIL

Best moment: 
Submitting my swan song piece for L

As you can see, some of the moments are seemingly small but still significant to me, while others are just small. (Consider how "taking a nap" has actually made an appearance.) The only rule for the journal outlined in the article is that you cannot repeat your gratitude, which has occasionally made it hard to complete. I won't lie, there are days when I really have to think about the day's best moment and what I'm thankful for because I can only put down "my husband cooking for me" just once. Still, it's a good reminder that even on the worst or most boring of days, there is always something to appreciate.

So with that in mind...

I wonder: What moment--big or small--are you grateful for so far today?