It's A...

So did we or didn't we decide to find out?

The short answer: we did. But how we got to that decision wasn't quite as short.

We got to the appointment and, as expected, the ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know the sex. I still hadn't made up my mind, so I asked if she could write it down for us. (Quickly adding that we weren't doing one of those trendy gender reveal parties, we just weren't sure what we wanted to do yet.) She said she'd do us one better: she'd print us a photo and type it on that.

She told us to close our eyes, and I intently listened for the number of keystrokes as she typed. She put the photo in an envelope, we wrapped things up, and then we left.

We decided to grab lunch, and continued to sit on the envelope, asking each other all throughout the meal, "What do you want to do?" "I'm not sure, what do you want to do?"

We both were hedging, but I think Jay was just being sensitive to my indecision, since I knew he wanted to find out from the very beginning. Finally we realized, who are we kidding? and we opened the envelope. And? It's a boy!

Of course, we would have been happy either way, but before we opened the envelope, both of us had talked about how we had a "feeling" it was a boy. (What's more, one look at the sonogram photo of the baby's face, and you could tell it took after its father.)

Now admittedly, I was a bit disappointed that I wouldn't be buying cute dresses in the near future, but at least now the two of us can focus on coming up with some names, and I can focus my worries on things like this...


...instead of things like this:

Gender Bias

Admit it: Everyone has one. Even you. Which is why I need your help.

Next week, we go for the 20-week ultrasound where we can find out the baby's gender. Jay wants to know. I am unsure.

Before I got pregnant, I was adamant about not finding out my future baby's gender, thinking of the in-the-moment reveal as one of life's truly great surprises. But you can be just as surprised when the ultrasound tech tells you, Jay argues. (He's always so logical. I hate it.) But now that I'm approaching that moment, I'm not so sure where I stand. It's like when I was shopping for a wedding dress: I thought I wanted cap-sleeved lace, but wound up with strapless silk. Point being, you never really know how you're going to feel until you get there. Which might be where my new-found ambivalence on the matter comes from.

That's not to say I want to know now; I'm still intrigued by the idea of not finding out. But with no nursery to decorate, and the fact that we are having a really hard time agreeing on names, you could argue that the logical thing to do is to find out. But you could also argue that there is something really great about not being logical about it -- probably one of the last times for a looooong time that we'll be able to ignore the reasonable choice and just see what happens.

So. My question to you...

Do we find out, or do we not? Deadline for responses is 7 p.m. ET Monday. 

Photo: The Mielke Way

Yes, I’ve Been Avoiding You

Frankly, because I have nothing nice to say, and even I’m tiring of my incessant whining. Things are, sadly, pretty status quo. I did go to the physical therapy school open house, and I could get excited about the chance, if it weren’t for figuring out how to go to school full-time and be able to earn a living. Suggestions are welcome.

So you know that cliché advice, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all?

Well, I’ve decided that I won’t be blogging until I have something nice to say.

We’ll see how long this silence lasts.

I Feel Like I Owe You an Explanation

So I know I’ve been kind of vague lately about my life plans and “rearranging my blocks” and whatnot. I’ve been hedging on revealing exactly what I’m thinking about doing because, well, you know how once you say something out loud that means you actually have to follow through on it? I’m a little scared (and sad) to have to follow through.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about making a complete 180 on my career, and going back to school to become a physical therapist’s assistant. It’s a two-year, associate degree program that I could complete at a community college. It’s obviously a complete change from what I’ve been doing for the last 10 or so years, but given how dire the job search has been I’m feeling the need to pursue a profession that’s more sustainable. I could go into a long tirade about how journalism today isn’t the journalism I signed up for in college, but I won’t because the only people who really care about that are my fellow writer friends who are feeling the same sting of the changing—and more often than not—declining landscape.

So why become a PTA? Three reasons: I could complete my degree in a year or two, make a decent living, and it’s a much more transferable skill to a city other than New York. Physical therapy is something I’ve been doing personally, and to great success, and I like the idea of a day-to-day that’s more active than just sitting at a desk all day. But I’m only mildly interested it. It’s certainly not my passion in life, and definitely not in the way that writing is (was?).

And since I’m being honest here, another reason I’ve been hedging on making this transition is because I feel like I’m giving up on something I love. I liken it to the feeling I got when my high school boyfriend broke up with me before he went away to college. I knew it was the logical thing for him to do, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t sad about it. (For the record, this is a metaphor. I love my husband, not my ex-boyfriend from 15 years ago.) The thought of leaving writing and editing behind truly makes me sad, to the point where if I thought about it long enough I could probably shed a tear over it. Maybe.

Some folks have been quick to point out that even if I do pursue PTA school, I don’t have to completely give up writing—I could still freelance, after all. And blog. But it’s more than that. It’s this notion I have that I’m “giving up,” and I’ve mentioned before how I don’t like it when Life beats me.

And so...

I wonder: Any advice for me? Do I pursue PTA school or continue in the manner I’ve been in?