I Got a Job!

It’s been 19 days since my last post, and as you can see, I finally have something nice to say. This job is one I’ve been striving for for a while now. It’s a big one, and while I’m not entirely prepared for it, I think I’ll be okay at it.  

What is this new job, you ask? 

Well, I’m going to be a mom. 

The salary is quite crappy—non-existent, actually—but I hear the benefits are amazing. 

Currently, I’m 15 weeks along and we’re due April 5, 2014. I’ve actually known about the little bean since August, and so hopefully all my faithful readers now understand my random bouts of bitchiness and anxiety-induced whining about still not having a “real” job. Thank you for bearing with me. 

One thing’s for certain, though: this wasn’t unplanned. It’s something Jay and I had discussed, and part of what I hoped would make 2013 my year. When I lost my job in February, we talked about putting our plans on hold, but we ultimately decided there’s no time like the present. Like the chorus in the prolific Jimmy Eat World song “23” goes, you’ll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. And if I’ve learned anything in the last year, it’s that trying to control Life and make it perfect is no way to live. Mostly because Life won’t let you live that way. 

That much is evident based on how Life bestowed me with this great gift but at the same time didn’t give my stress levels much of a break. (Welcome to the rest of my life, right?) I will elaborate on all of it in a later post answering some FAQs I’m quite certain a lot of you may have, but for now I’m intent on keeping things positive. (And if you’ve got a Q you'd like answered, feel free to throw it at me in the comments.) 

Now the pragmatic among you may be wondering what, in fact, I plan to do to earn money now that we'll have another mouth to feed. Until very recently, I had these horrifying visions of myself being a pregnant woman on unemployment, but Life finally decided it was time to cut me some slack and I’ve been offered a full-time job at the place I’ve been freelancing at for the last eight months, which I’ve gleefully accepted. Hooray! So I guess, technically, I now have two jobs. (When it rains it pours, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and whatever other apropos clichés I can throw at this bit of news applies here.) 

Thank you all again for your patience with my whining as of late, and for your emails and notes of support. I promise that for the time being, the tone of this blog will change for the better—mostly because Life finally seems to be headed in the same direction. 

Yes, I’ve Been Avoiding You

Frankly, because I have nothing nice to say, and even I’m tiring of my incessant whining. Things are, sadly, pretty status quo. I did go to the physical therapy school open house, and I could get excited about the chance, if it weren’t for figuring out how to go to school full-time and be able to earn a living. Suggestions are welcome.

So you know that cliché advice, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all?

Well, I’ve decided that I won’t be blogging until I have something nice to say.

We’ll see how long this silence lasts.

Almost (But Not Quite)

So I got my first job offer in seven months. And then I didn’t.

Feeling low-balled by the salary offer—which came in about $9,000 below what I said I was looking for—I tried negotiating, which the hiring manager wasn’t interested in doing. And so that was it.

Now this job was far from my dream job, but still it was something—but someone gave me a great piece of advice about not wanting to start a job already feeling undervalued, so I’m trying to take comfort in that. But while I keep telling myself, something is coming that will be the right fit for you, it’s getting harder and harder to believe.

In the meantime, I have my open house for the physical therapy program to look forward to next Monday, and there were brownies in the kitchen at work, so at least I don’t have to spend money to soothe my damaged ego with some sweets.

There’s always a bright side, I guess.

The Cover Letter I Really Want to Write

Dear Sir or Madam or HR Manager (I never know how to address these things),

I am applying for the job you posted but understand it is probably a waste of my time. I will spend hours customizing my cover letter to you only to hear absolutely nothing in response.

My experience will meet close to every one of your requirements, but for reasons unbeknownst to me, I will not be called in for consideration. I know this, and yet I still try, in the vain hope that maybe this time I will get through the stack of applications filling your inbox.

Though truth be told, maybe it's partially my fault. I've gotten lazy as of late, copying and pasting pieces of previously written cover letters into one Frankenstein-like document. But really, can you blame me? I'd like to meet the person who isn't a little beaten down after seven months without a steady job, and certainly not due to a lack of trying on her part.

Anywho, my resume is attached, and I hope to hear from you soon, though I won't hold my breath.

Sincerely,
Me

How Life Is Like Tetris

I was playing the game on my phone while on the subway the other day, and I had everything lined up perfectly -- and I mean that literally. I had my blocks set up so that the square block that was coming up to play next would give me a full-on Tetris. (For the uninitiated, a true Tetris is when one clears the game of all the blocks.)

I thought, Oh my god, it's coming. It had been so long since I had cleared the board (first time in the mobile app), I was actually excited. How would the game congratulate me, I wondered dorkily. With my next move, I will have set the bar for myself, which is equally exciting and frustrating in follow-up games.

So I moved the block into position, and swiped it down. It landed, complete with the sound of the game's trademark thump, in the wrong spot. One row off to be exact. God dammit, I exclaimed, ever so softly but still out loud on the train. I had blown it. I got cocky, and wasn't careful enough. I spent the next 10 or so minutes of my ride trying to fix my mistake, and while I made some inroads I never did get close to that full clear. I was legitimately pissed.

And then it got me thinking about how my day had gone similarly. I found out I had yet again come thisclose to getting a job, but got beaten out by another candidate. Like last time, I thought I had nailed this one, but when all was said and done, I came up short. One row off, you might say.

Still, I thought, the game isn't over. While writing an article about how to effectively re-enter the workforce, I interviewed one of the authors of this book, who said the following, which has stuck with me throughout my employment limbo:

I do think it’s really useful to understand the macro-factors that are hindering you, because that’s also what’s going to help you make better choices. One of the main principles we talk about in the book is the idea of "try harder." It’s advice that so many people give over and over again when you’re stuck, and trying harder is often the absolute worst advice you can give someone. When you find yourself putting more and more effort into something that’s getting less and less results, that’s not a signal you should keep trying. It’s just the opposite.

The point being, it may be time to attack your problem from a new angle. 

So I'm thinking it might be time for me to find a new way to organize my blocks in life. I have a few ideas, but they won't be easy, so if I'm really going to do it, I need to full-on commit. And that, my friends, scares me.

I just have to keep reminding myself the game isn't over.

Photo: The Neurocritic

I wonder: Have you ever rearranged your blocks in life? How did you do it? 

P.S. I'm on vacation next week, so any radio silence here doesn't mean I've fallen off the blogwagon again.

2013 Was Going to Be My Year

That is soooooo not the case.

I had such a crumby 2012 that I was convinced 2013 would be great. It had to be -- it was owed to me. I started the year off hopeful, but by February, it was quite clear 2013 didn't think it owed me a thing. It started off with receiving some not-so-great-health news, followed by losing my job (six months later I'm still technically unemployed), then my cat died, the IRS came calling for a couple grand due to a prior mix up, and most recently my best friend moved to D.C. Now yesterday, I found out I didn't get this job that I really, really, really wanted.

Wah, wah. 

Sure, there have been a few bright spots, but by and large 2013 has sucked just as bad -- if not more -- than 2012. I'm so ready for 2013 to be over that when people ask my age, I reply 34. (I'm 33.) I don't do it on purpose (unless you're 20, who ever wants to get older?) but I think it just speaks to how ready I am to move on from this year, this age, and this phase of my life.

This all sounds more dire than I really mean it to be. In fact, recapping all of this, I kind of have to laugh (and believe me, I haven't told you everything). Oh, Life, that fickle frenemy. For all the crap it's thrown at me in the last seven months, it's at least shown me that losing your job isn't the end of the world, I'm stronger physically and emotionally than I've ever given myself credit for, and yes, taxes really are as certain as death.

Speaking of strength, I do still have one holdout hope for 2013: this is the year I am determined to do an unassisted pullup -- maybe even two. Trainer Chad keeps telling me he knows I have the strength to do it, I just need to get out of my own head and make it happen. Easier said than done, but I am hopeful.

Photo: CentralMass.org

But Isn't It Really All About the Benjamins, Baby?

They say that money doesn't buy you happiness, and while this may mean I'm shallower than I think, I may have to disagree.

First off, it's easy to say that when you have money. When you don't have it, or at least a steady flow of it, you realize how the absence of it takes away some of the things in life that make you happy. For example, I'm currently missing my weekly manicures and bi-weekly workouts with a trainer.  (I know, I know -- I sound like a Kardashian. I even kind of hate myself right now.) I know these are material things, but I'd be lying if I said they didn't add to my level of happiness, and only now do I realize how badly I took both for granted. (Now to be fair to myself, my money-to-happiness ratio is not all about me: I miss feeling okay with giving a generous tip to a waiter or waitress, and even dropping a dollar or two to a really talented subway musician.)

The other thing money provides that makes me happy is security. Before I lost my job, we were looking at buying an apartment. Now that money earmarked for a down payment has become our safety net, which helps me feel at ease, if not entirely happy. But much like happiness, I know that money won't last forever, and that in turn makes me worry, which doesn't make me happy. You following?

It's okay -- I'm not sure I do either. I just know that I'm more worried than happy right now. But that doesn't mean I haven't been happy ever in the past month. (Thank you gratitude journal!)

Now some people would tell me the best things in life are free, and I believe this is true, too. I didn't have to pay for my husband, family and friends, which ties into the follow-up rebuttal that money can't buy you love. Though I'm not sure I agree with that one either. And I'm pretty sure a Kardashian would agree with me.

Photo: Wikipedia

I wonder: Do you think it's shallow to associate money with happiness?

What It's Like Filing for Unemployment

 Call me cocky, but filing for unemployment is something I never thought I'd have to do.

I'm 33, and up until now, I'd never been let go from a job. I know I'm a good employee, and my bosses tend to love me because I am insanely organized -- and who ever wants to let someone like that go?

Well, someone did, and so today I found myself on the New York State Department of Labor site answering questions about whether I left my job voluntarily and if I earned more than $402 in the last week. The process was easy, and (good tip forthcoming!) didn't even require half the paperwork it forewarned gathering before starting. They even offer direct deposit! So there went my visions of waiting in line in some drab, DMV-like office with my unemployed brethren, and I couldn't have been more relieved.

Why? Because I'm ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I know the layoff wasn't personal, but it feels like it was, and I often wonder what I could have done differently in order to have kept my job. (Even if it is a bit of relief to no longer be working 15-hour days, I would have preferred to be the one initiating the leaving.)

I should know by now that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and so doing something like filing for unemployment should in a way come as no surprise.

To that end, here's is a list of some other things I think I will never do in my lifetime, so life, if you're reading this, you can thank me later for making your job easy enough so that you don't find yourself on the unemployment line. 

5 Things I Will Never Do: 

• Go to Russia 
• Have a boy 
• Be a size 00
• Win the lottery 
• Kiss Jake Gyllenhaal

I wonder: Is there anything, positive or negative, that you never thought you'd do but ended up doing?

Photo: Rockford Register