Nagging Questions

I'm not a big believer in signs, but two big questions have been coming up a lot for me lately and so therefore are hard to ignore. 

Part of the genesis of these questions has to do with a series of articles I'm working on, and part of it has to do with the advice I've been seeking on my own as part of my current career-centric soul-searching. (And for the record, the people asking these questions are not new-age hippies.)

The first: Am I successful? 

Having recently been laid off and see my income drop dramatically, the obvious answer would be no. But it turns out, the best measure of my success is one that I never considered.
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The second question, which I now realize is inarguably tied to the first, is just as easily answerable:

How happy are you? 

Truth be told, I'm pretty darn happy right now.

How does this net out, you might be wonder?

No doubt about it, certain things are a bit unstable, and I don't have everything I want at the moment, but overall I'm feeling fulfilled in the work that I'm doing, which is something I haven't felt in a long time. I'm really enjoying just simply writing and editing again, and I like the flexibility that freelance is affording me.

And when I consider the network I've built through my career, and how invaluable they've all been to me this past month, I feel incredibly lucky. This network helps me stay afloat -- and I'm talking about my confidence as well as my finances here.
 
Freelancing isn't a path I've purposefully chosen to follow, but I certainly can't complain that I am on it at the moment. I'm realizing a lot about what I value both personally and professionally, and more important, I have a better understanding of what I want to make of my life, both personally and professionally. And the interesting thing is, these conclusions are ones I never would have expected to come to.

So maybe it's time to condense these two questions: Am I successful at being happy?

The answer is, absolutely.

Photo: Deposit Photos

I wonder: Are you successful at being happy?

Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Is Hard

Not that I am one. But I'm getting a taste of life as one -- minus the kids, of course.

Since getting up at 6:30 this morning I have:

• Dropped off dry cleaning
• Gone to the gym (Hey, I may not be wearing makeup every day, so I should still try to look somewhat good for my man in other ways, right?)
• Made breakfast; ate said breakfast
• Taken a shower
• Figured out tonight's dinner
• Started laundry
• Paid bills
• Followed up on lingering health insurance issues
• Made lunch; ate said lunch
• Finished laundry 
• Folded laundry 
• Did the dishes from breakfast and lunch

And I still have to go grocery shopping, make dinner, and do some freelance work, ideally all before the husband gets home by 6 p.m. It's exhausting, and very early Mad Men, and I don't even have a little one around who needs my constant attention. How women with children pull this off on a daily basis is beyond me. (And yes, I realize that me being able to do things like go to the gym, take a shower, and even blog, are considered a luxury in mom world.)

As a corporate drone, I often fantasized about that time when we did have kids, and I would be at home with them, and it would be soooo easy -- especially nap time, because that is when I would sit on the couch, eat some bonbons and watch soaps. The keyword here is "fantasized," because I know being a SAHM isn't easy, and it's likely that I will not be a SAHM mom at all, but a working mom, admittedly out of necessity more so than desire.

I've been wanting to write about this subject for a while now, because it's a topic I think about a lot, especially now, with my career in limbo. And thanks to all the press around Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's new book and Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer's recent decree, the whole topic of work-life balance is at the top of everyone's mind again.

But the truth is, Sandberg and Mayer don't have it all figured out. And if they say they do, they're lying because if they did, we'd all be doing what they do. I've talked to a lot of working moms (granted not exactly of Sandberg's or Mayer's wealth or status) and they readily admit that they don't know how to achieve this elusive work-life balance -- and these women have kids as old as 16. So if none of these women can figure it out, why the hell should I expect to? As far as I can tell from these conversations, the trick is to make it look like you've got it all under control.

With that said, whether or not your married, whether or not you have children, life can get bananas. And so...

I wonder: How do you balance it all?

But Isn't It Really All About the Benjamins, Baby?

They say that money doesn't buy you happiness, and while this may mean I'm shallower than I think, I may have to disagree.

First off, it's easy to say that when you have money. When you don't have it, or at least a steady flow of it, you realize how the absence of it takes away some of the things in life that make you happy. For example, I'm currently missing my weekly manicures and bi-weekly workouts with a trainer.  (I know, I know -- I sound like a Kardashian. I even kind of hate myself right now.) I know these are material things, but I'd be lying if I said they didn't add to my level of happiness, and only now do I realize how badly I took both for granted. (Now to be fair to myself, my money-to-happiness ratio is not all about me: I miss feeling okay with giving a generous tip to a waiter or waitress, and even dropping a dollar or two to a really talented subway musician.)

The other thing money provides that makes me happy is security. Before I lost my job, we were looking at buying an apartment. Now that money earmarked for a down payment has become our safety net, which helps me feel at ease, if not entirely happy. But much like happiness, I know that money won't last forever, and that in turn makes me worry, which doesn't make me happy. You following?

It's okay -- I'm not sure I do either. I just know that I'm more worried than happy right now. But that doesn't mean I haven't been happy ever in the past month. (Thank you gratitude journal!)

Now some people would tell me the best things in life are free, and I believe this is true, too. I didn't have to pay for my husband, family and friends, which ties into the follow-up rebuttal that money can't buy you love. Though I'm not sure I agree with that one either. And I'm pretty sure a Kardashian would agree with me.

Photo: Wikipedia

I wonder: Do you think it's shallow to associate money with happiness?

What It's Like Filing for Unemployment

 Call me cocky, but filing for unemployment is something I never thought I'd have to do.

I'm 33, and up until now, I'd never been let go from a job. I know I'm a good employee, and my bosses tend to love me because I am insanely organized -- and who ever wants to let someone like that go?

Well, someone did, and so today I found myself on the New York State Department of Labor site answering questions about whether I left my job voluntarily and if I earned more than $402 in the last week. The process was easy, and (good tip forthcoming!) didn't even require half the paperwork it forewarned gathering before starting. They even offer direct deposit! So there went my visions of waiting in line in some drab, DMV-like office with my unemployed brethren, and I couldn't have been more relieved.

Why? Because I'm ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I know the layoff wasn't personal, but it feels like it was, and I often wonder what I could have done differently in order to have kept my job. (Even if it is a bit of relief to no longer be working 15-hour days, I would have preferred to be the one initiating the leaving.)

I should know by now that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and so doing something like filing for unemployment should in a way come as no surprise.

To that end, here's is a list of some other things I think I will never do in my lifetime, so life, if you're reading this, you can thank me later for making your job easy enough so that you don't find yourself on the unemployment line. 

5 Things I Will Never Do: 

• Go to Russia 
• Have a boy 
• Be a size 00
• Win the lottery 
• Kiss Jake Gyllenhaal

I wonder: Is there anything, positive or negative, that you never thought you'd do but ended up doing?

Photo: Rockford Register