2013 Was Going to Be My Year

That is soooooo not the case.

I had such a crumby 2012 that I was convinced 2013 would be great. It had to be -- it was owed to me. I started the year off hopeful, but by February, it was quite clear 2013 didn't think it owed me a thing. It started off with receiving some not-so-great-health news, followed by losing my job (six months later I'm still technically unemployed), then my cat died, the IRS came calling for a couple grand due to a prior mix up, and most recently my best friend moved to D.C. Now yesterday, I found out I didn't get this job that I really, really, really wanted.

Wah, wah. 

Sure, there have been a few bright spots, but by and large 2013 has sucked just as bad -- if not more -- than 2012. I'm so ready for 2013 to be over that when people ask my age, I reply 34. (I'm 33.) I don't do it on purpose (unless you're 20, who ever wants to get older?) but I think it just speaks to how ready I am to move on from this year, this age, and this phase of my life.

This all sounds more dire than I really mean it to be. In fact, recapping all of this, I kind of have to laugh (and believe me, I haven't told you everything). Oh, Life, that fickle frenemy. For all the crap it's thrown at me in the last seven months, it's at least shown me that losing your job isn't the end of the world, I'm stronger physically and emotionally than I've ever given myself credit for, and yes, taxes really are as certain as death.

Speaking of strength, I do still have one holdout hope for 2013: this is the year I am determined to do an unassisted pullup -- maybe even two. Trainer Chad keeps telling me he knows I have the strength to do it, I just need to get out of my own head and make it happen. Easier said than done, but I am hopeful.

Photo: CentralMass.org

Randomonium

Because when I did a Google image search for "random," this is what came up.

Aaaah, it has been sooooooooo long!

I've missed this blog, and even recently found out that I have a few dedicated readers who I've been disappointing with my absence. (Hi Emily, Katie and Janet!) My excuse? I've been busy. Even with only working part-time. (I'm always sort of blown away by how running a few errands can eat up an entire afternoon. How did I do all this with a full-time job? And at a startup, no less.)

But alas, today I have some time, and feeling inspired by my friend Ilyse, who recently started her own blog chronicling her adventures in her new home base of D.C., I made a point to write today. There's actually been a lot I've wanted to write about in the last few weeks (month, really!), but never managed to fully form thoughts about. Here are a few of those thought-provoking topics: 

5 Things Parents Need to Stop Saying to Non-Parents 
I've heard some of these comments, and always thought I was being overly sensitive in being annoyed by them. It's nice to know I wasn't.

Women Who Keep Their Maiden Names Aren't Necessarily Feminists 
I just like my given name, okay? It has a certain ring to it.

Temporary Jobs Becoming a Permanent Fixture in U.S. 
This one hit home, because being in a temporary gig -- as much as I enjoy its flexibility -- is stressful for a Type-A personality who always needs to know what's coming next. It's a bit frightening to me that this could be the future way of the workplace.

Are Suburbs Where the American Dream Goes to Die? 
I like city life, but there are elements of suburbia that I miss. Like Target. A patch of grass that's all mine. Driving. (Until I drive, and then I hate it.) I'm known to sometimes romanticize suburban life, and this news doesn't make me feel good.

And so that's it. Hopefully one day soon, I'll actually have time to read an article, form an opinion, and then write about it.

But until then, it's been nice catching up.

I wonder: What's been on your mind lately?

Enough Already

Yeah, I know it's been a while, but there's nothing like disgust to get one blogging again.

I saw something today that made me sick: Trayvon Martin’s dead body.

The photo, posted by Gawker, was allegedly meant to spark anger, not pageviews. The Root has a great rebuttal to this rationalization, and my cynicism in Gawker’s motives is why I’m not linking to it. (As if I have that many readers!) If you really want to see it, I’m sure you can find it.

I honestly didn't realize that when I clicked on the link from another story that that is what I would see. Though I should have known better, knowing how Gawker Media operates. My immediate reaction was to look away, scroll down so it was out of sight, and close the page. What his family must feel like, knowing this image is out there, open for commentary, I thought. 

The whole thing reminded me of another recent occurrence that involved a graphic photo. A man recently committed suicide by jumping in front of the elevated line in Astoria. The event got very little press, despite the fact that his body parts wound up strewn all over the street. At 4 o’clock in the afternoon. A time that, as some of my Astorian Facebook friends noted, children where headed home from school. Gothamist linked to some tweets that had images of the severed body parts on the street (which is a whole other outrage). My morbid curiosity got the best of me, and I clicked. Then I shrugged. It looked like nothing more than a scene from a horror movie. Yes, I was disgusted with myself for several reasons, but was most struck by my “meh” reaction. Had I become that desensitized to violence?

That image of Trayvon Martin showed me that I had not. Sure, I wasn’t prepared for it, and unlike the Astoria man, Trayvon didn’t choose to die. But by clicking to see either photo, what I showed was disrespect. If I need to see gore that badly, I should go see a horror film. And so the next time I’m confronted with a graphic image of a dead body, I’m not going to look at it, morbid curiosity be damned.

Also, I’m never reading Gawker again.

If You Can Make It Here...

I don't like to lose.

Today I read about the film Frances Ha, which tells the story of a 27-year-old woman who moved to  New York City to become a dancer, and is beginning to experience the hard reality that she's just not going to be one of New York's chosen ones.

It looks comically depressing, and also more relateable than any New Yorker would like to admit:


Sometimes, New York can be the perfect metaphor for life: you constantly have to adjust your expectations. The last graph of the review I read sums it up well:

It gets the spirit of New York exactly right: the constant striving, the reality that you'll forever be surrounded by people who seem more accomplished than you and the deep satisfaction that comes with making it here, even if you have to reconstitute your definition of "making it." 

Which got me thinking about my own definition of "making it." I have forever felt like "making it" in New York was just being able to afford to rent an apartment here, probably largely because in that sense, I had "made it." There was a brief period in 2012 and the beginning of 2013 when I felt like maybe I was destined for something more, but that's since crawled back into the hole into my brain from whence it came. And so I'm back to the small victory of simply being able to afford an apartment here. (Never mind that the place I've lived in for the last six years is rent stabilized, which kind of feels like cheating.)

Now, I admit that I have my moments of New York loathing, lately more often than not, where I wonder what the hell I am doing in this city that is so expensive, so competitive and sometimes so soul-crushing. Still, I am resolute in the fact that New York will not beat me. I refuse to let it kick me out, which I've seen it do to people, whether because they can no longer afford to stay in it, or because they can't find a job. Not me. When it comes time to go -- and that time will come -- it will be on my own terms.

And honestly, I feel as though when I do leave, where ever I wind up, only then will I have truly made it. Because really, if you can make it here, you truly can make it anywhere, because New York is like the boot camp that gets you into the Marine Corp. of real life.

She Likes Me, She Really Likes Me!

Recently, I had a pretty amazing thing happen to me, but there's a little bit of back story before I can get to the amazing part.

Before I got laid off in February, I was interviewing candidates for an associate editor job. I had an appointment set with one girl, let's call her Amy, when I got the bad news. I emailed her to let her know that unfortunately we no longer needed to meet, and I was sorry about that because I really was looking forward to meeting her. And I meant it. She had an amazing resume, and had written some really fantastic, well-reported and well-researched articles for a very high-profile publication. She was very understanding about it all, and said she would keep her ears open for me.

Just recently, I got an email from Amy. "I was just thinking about you and wanted to write to check in," she wrote, and suggested that we get together for coffee sometime.

Wow, how unbelievably nice, I thought. Someone I barely know is checking in on how I'm doing, and wants to meet up, with no ulterior motive. (As I'm currently just a temp, I can't do much for her job-wise, and she was well aware of that.)

So we met for coffee the other day, and it was great. We talked about my old job, the industry, and a little bit about life. It turns out I did have a few job leads for her, which I was more than happy to share because Amy truly is such a fantastic reporter.

Toward the end of our conversation, we talked about how nice it was to finally meet in person, and she said she wanted to reach out again because she got such a good vibe from me from our email exchange. I was flattered of course, and floored at her willingness to explore her gut instinct. How many times have I met people in passing who I felt like I could really click with but never followed up with for various reasons -- no time, I have enough friends, or just plain forgetfulness? It got me thinking about how many amazing people I could be missing out on because of what is essentially laziness (maybe peppered with a little bit of fear of rejection).

We left coffee saying we'd like to get together again soon, and I left thinking to myself how I was definitely going to do that again -- not just meet with Amy, but truly make an effort with the next person I feel like I connect with.

Because who knows? Maybe one day with this small gesture I could make someone's day just like Amy made mine.

I wonder: Have you ever gone out on a limb to meet a new potential friend?

Oof, It's May.

Well, hello again.

As per usual, I didn't intend for this extended absence to happen, but such is life. And I'm just letting life happen these days, remember?

Since I've been at my temp editing gig, I've been privy to lots -- TONS -- of free magazines, one of which is People. The mag recently started a "One Last Thing" feature on the last page of the book, where they ask a star a bunch of random, innocuous questions. Because I have nothing to report, but still wanted to stop by and say hi, I thought it might be fun for me to answer some of these inane queries.

I keep telling myself that nothing has happened that's worth blogging about, but, well, after answering these questions, it's just not true. I did discover Schmackary's after all. (If you're interested in reading the interview with the actual celebrity, in this case Sarah Chalke, go here.)

LAST FILM THAT MADE ME CRY
I don't cry often, but when I do, it's often about animals. So the last movie that made me cry was Marley & Me. I was home by myself and I tried stifling it, but once I realized no one was around to laugh at me, I balled.

LAST TIME I GOT SUNBURNED
On our trip to Puerto Rico. I slathered on the sunscreen but still managed to feel the burn.

LAST INJURY I SUSTAINED 
Over Christmas. I was doing a trail run at my parents' and I tripped -- bad. Real, real, bad. Full-on Slip 'N Slide action. I still have scars on my right knee from it.

LAST VACATION I TOOK
That would be Puerto Rico. Again. (Hmm... maybe this exercise isn't that interesting after all.)

LAST TIME I INDULGED 
Thursday. The husband and I went out to dinner in Hell's Kitchen, and on our walk home we passed Schmackary's for the first time. The smell was so intoxicating it literally formed a hook around our necks and pulled us in. I got the Peanut Butter After Dark, naturally.

An Inspiration Edition

Arianna Huffington, Star Jones and Susan Lucci

And, we're back.

Another unwanted (on my part, at least) extended absence. But today provides a much-needed break that allows for some time to blog. And while I don't have any deep thoughts to share, other people do.

I had the good fortune to attend the National Association of Professional Women's annual conference today, and a bevy of inspirational ladies were in attendance, among them Arianna Huffington (I got to shake her hand), Star Jones (she re-tweeted me!) and Susan Lucci (who I awkwardly asked for an autograph when I happened upon her in the ladies' room. She was very gracious).

The inspiration was flowing like good wine, and I came home feeling a little hungover, but in a good way, like when you were young and stayed out too late drinking way too much but the next day you couldn't feel too bad about it because you know you had an awesome time.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes, and I use the term "quotes" loosely because I was taking notes by hand and not on my best journalistic game.

Lesley Jane Seymour, EIC of More, on the changing media landscape: 
It's a different world. When I started as an EIC, I came in, did the magazine and left. Now I have to do TV, social...you can't just lock yourself in a room anymore and say "I'm going to do this."

Arianna Huffington on the same: 
It's no longer about talking, it's about listening. We used to consume news on the couch and now we consume it galloping on a horse.

Huffington on staying healthy: 
When I wake up after a good night's sleep, I'm ready to take on the world. Isn't that a great way to live life?

Huffington on Lean In: 
We also need to learn to lean back to reinvigorate. Because that's when you get your best ideas.

Huffington paraphrasing Rumi: 
Life is rigged in your favor. Turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Huffington on how women judge themselves: 
If we can reduce the self-judgement we'd have so much energy freed up.

Monique L. Nelson, CEO of UniWorld Group, on what she would tell her 21-year-old self:
I'd forgive myself. Life happens. Either you can make it happen or it happens to you. I'd take things a little slower and not try to do so much so early. Eventually the environment took its course to slow me down.

Desiree Rogers, CEO of Johnson Publishing and the former White House social secretary, on the same: 
Don't allow people to tell you who you are.

Star Jones on the same: 
Place your health as a priority. I'm worth eating correctly, I'm worth exercising, I'm worth getting sleep.

Rogers on "having it all": 
It's a creation of my all. If I'm happy, everyone around me is happy.

Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, on the best advice she ever received:
Failure is life's way of telling you you're not on the right course.

Martha Stewart on taking a break: 
You should never retire. You should never even use that word.

Stewart's random tip on my favorite snack: 
Cook kale chips on parchment paper to make them crispy.

Stewart on hitting rock bottom: 
I've never hit a bottom. It's just a bump in the road.

The exchange Star Jones re-tweeted me on! 
Star Jones: Where does the toughness come from? Martha Stewart: Um, just dealing with crap.

Stewart on her one regret: 
That I didn't have enough children. It's just a totally different way of looking at things.

Photo: me

I wonder: What's the most thought provoking thing you've heard lately? 

Life, You Win.

Don't worry I'm not suicidal. That statement sounds more dramatic than it is. But in truth, it's quite freeing to have recently realized that I have no control over Life*, so I should stop trying to control it.

Those who know me, even marginally, know that I am a control freak. I like order, and I like to have plans. I always need to know what my next step is going to be, whether it's in Life or simply for the next morning's breakfast.

But lately, I don't care to see past the next 24 hours. In fact, I'm annoyed that my gym now requires you sign up for a class at least 36 hours in advance in order to guarantee a spot. I don't want to think ahead that far, because if I've learned anything this past year, it's that Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

No one would argue that Life has dealt me a few blows when it comes to my Life plans. So now I'm waving the white flag. Admitting defeat. Giving up. But you know what? I'm okay with it. It actually feels good to not think about the future. I feel like this is something Life has been telling me to do for some time now, and I've been too headstrong to pay attention.

Well, Life, you have my full attention now. Right here, now, in this very moment. I no longer feel the need to have the next five years -- let alone five days -- of my Life planned out. But who knows? Tomorrow I could feel differently.

Still, I'm not going to think about that now.

*I feel compelled to explain why I'm treating Life as a proper noun here. It's because I often think of Life as it's own person, someone who is occasionally there to comfort me, and sometimes out to get me. Basically, I see Life as a frenemy.

Photo: Hannah's Hope

I wonder: Do you plan for the future?

It's Real Simple

Real Simple's Kristin van Ogtrop

Finally, someone puts into words this nagging feeling I've had about Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In.

The book is something no one can seem to stop talking about, whether they love it or hate it. I personally haven't read it, and don't plan to, as I think I've gotten the gist from those who have: young women need to be ambitious.

Sound advice for sure, but something bugged me about it. Enter Kristin van Ogtrop, the editor of Real Simple, who I had the pleasure of interviewing once. (She was very sweet and kind, and tolerated my fan girl gushing over her magazine with the best quip, which I've forgotten exactly, about how she loves nothing more than to hear how much people love the magazine).

But back to Sandberg. I'm reading van Ogrop's editor's letter in the magazine's May issue (something I always do and who a marketing friend once told me research shows no one ever does). About Lean In, she writes:

Here's the thing: I don't want to be striving bigger/better/higher/more every minute of every day. I don't always want to have a larger goal. That just sounds exhausting and worst of all, completely joyless. I want to enjoy my days: past, present, and future. 

And I thought: that's it. It's all this striving women are told to do that's bugging me. I certainly don't judge people who are ambitious; I've been there and to a certain extent still am. But it's this notion that we can't -- or shouldn't --  be happy where we are right now that I think is ineffective for everyone, female or male.

I spent a good portion of my young adult life striving and wanting something more. I've often thought to myself, "Things will be perfect when..." or "I can't wait until..." When I was in high school, I couldn't wait to get to college. When I was in college, I couldn't wait to get out on my own and work in the Big City. When I got out on my own and made it to the Big City, I still wanted more -- a better job at a well-known magazine with an apartment all to myself. I got all those things and more, and I value each and every one of them and the experiences that got me there. But the thing is, I never appreciated what I had when I had it, because I was always after this "something else." Looking back now, I often feel like I missed out on truly appreciating the awesomeness of where I was at that moment because I was so focused on the future.

And so I'm trying hard not to do that now. After reading van Ogtrop's editor's letter, it dawned on me that the reason I have no interest in Sandberg's book is because she's giving advice I don't necessarily want to follow. I also found it poetic how the editor of Real Simple managed to make a complicated feeling I had so, well, simple.

In her conclusion, van Ogrop nails it better than I ever could. Speaking of her own Lean In epiphany, she says, "When I stopped myself in the office kitchen, I suppose I was telling myself to lean back for a moment. I don't really want to lean back for long. But I don't want to lean in, either. I know I'm most comfortable standing straight up."

Me too.

Photo: Real Simple

I wonder: Have you read Lean In? What did you think about it?

In Defense of Gwyneth Paltrow and Her New Cookbook

Whenever Gwyneth Paltrow does something, there’s always a lot of hate thrown her way (see: here and here), and with the launch of her new cookbook, It’s All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look and Feel Great, the headlines are no different.

"The book reads like the manifesto to some sort of creepy healthy-girl sorority with members who use beet juice rather than permanent marker to circle the 'problem areas' on each other’s bodies," writes one critic. “"It's All Good seems to take laughable Hollywood neuroticism about eating to the next level," writes another.

Why all the hate? Because in this 304-page cookbook, released this week, Paltrow advocates an elimination diet, in which one avoids coffee, alcohol, dairy, eggs, sugar, shellfish, deepwater fish, potatoes, tomatoes, bell peppers, eggplant, corn, wheat, meat and soy—not just for a period of time, but for the rest of one’s life.

Recommended by her doctor Dr. Alejandro Junger (of Clean diet fame) even Paltrow admits the idea was a bit overwhelming at first, and a blow for the self-professed foodie. Still, she says, the end result was life changing, and spawned the idea for this cookbook, which she co-wrote with Julia Turshen, a food writer and private chef based in New York.

Now, as an admitted fan of hers, I don’t quite get all the hate for someone simply encouraging living a healthy lifestyle, but even more so, I feel the need to remind people not to knock something until they’ve tried it. Over the course of my 30-some-odd years, I’ve eliminated whole food groups from my diet at different times and for various reasons—some were health-related, others just out of curiosity—and it always amazed me how differently, and often better, my body operated in the absence of certain foods. Some I’ve added back in and never looked back (like meat) and others (like cheese) I consider a treat food because of the effects, good and bad, their absence has had on my body. What worked for me didn’t work for all my friends, or even always align with Paltrow’s advice in this book. The point is, every body is different, and every body will have different needs, but you can’t blast someone for a certain way of life until you’ve given it a go yourself.

The lifestyle Paltrow advocates in this book isn’t always easy, and she readily admits that. “The rest of my life? Without Parmesan cheese and fried zucchini and pasta and baguettes and Pinor Noir?” she writes. “That was not going to happen, let’s face it. However, could it become my baseline?...Could I lean toward it more? I decided I could.” Without saying so, it sounds like Paltrow is following the old 80/20 rule when it comes to food: eating healthy 80 percent of the time so you can indulge the other 20 percent.

That certainly doesn’t sound like a “neurotic” and “creepy healthy-girl” way of living to me, but a balanced, healthy and realistic approach to eating for the rest of one’s life.

And let’s face it: If any diet can help us all look as good as Paltrow does at age 40, why not try it? 

Photo: Amazon

I wonder: Have you ever tried an elimination diet? How did it go?